Beginner Mindset Is a Power Move
What do you say in the moment right before your child gets on the bus as the new kid; your friend is asking someone out for the first time in 10 years; your introverted partner is trying a comedy class. Would you say “Omg you’re such an idiot for trying this, it’s gonna be a disaster!” Of course not.
But I don’t even need to meet you to know that you’d have no problem saying that to yourself.
If you are a leader, and I’m defining that as anyone who has a platform where people listen to you, look up to you, trust and respect your words and actions -you have a duty to model and inspire others to spend more time eating humble pie as a beginner.
The Unpracticed You is the You We Want
We have towering and tiny experiences of being a beginner most days.
Learning a new dance for your wedding; offering a dissenting opinion at work or with a partner; showing someone your first painting or piece of writing; guiding your child on how to refuse drugs at a party. I have one in a few hours that I’m nervous about – showing up at my first neighborhood gathering where everyone will be speaking Dutch, but me. I can engage in toddler talk if I choose to, but my fear may win out in favor of me being able to express my personality [there it is: the excuse].
Beginner moments are painful and we do everything we can to avoid them, but they are one of our best teachers.
Even when things go sideways, think about how proud you are seeing another person step up to the plate.
This is such a strong universal experience that our ability to empathize even works with total strangers!
It’s why we root so hard for underdogs. We love seeing people show up in their vulnerability and we cheer for them, whatever the outcome.
But we rarely do this for ourselves.
It’s like we have a blindspot to our own self empathy when we’re doing new things.
Especially as we age or get into leadership roles, there’s a tendency to get more rigid and believe we know how to go about things.
Here’s the golden truth we abandon when we avoid beginner mindset:
The more you agree to enter into beginner mindset, the stronger you get.
And unless you happen to be in the 1% of people who lives by the philosophy, “if it scares me I have to do it,” you’ll need help.
A few practices you can try right now:
- Talk to yourself like you would your best friend or child. Use encouraging language and don’t attach to any outcome.
- Aim for imperfection. Expect and accept when things go sideways. If you knew how to do this already, what fun would it really be?
- Stop should’ing all over yourself. The past is gone! Eradicating should from your vocabulary keeps the focus on the fun, even when it doesn’t go well. And it will not always go well.
Before, during and after our own beginner stints, especially in work situations, we go serious Mean Girls on ourselves.
To get out of this practice, try thinking about how you felt during the experience instead of the actions you took or how you looked doing them.
Doing things that make us uncomfortable also make us feel ALIVE, in a way that’s hard to capture past childhood. This is precious stuff.
We tend to have two retrospective conversations with ourselves after being vulnerable. First, we either recognize the energy boost immediately and say, “You know, not only was the experience not so bad, but it was fun/I learned a ton/it put my in the path of this great next thing.” Or, we have the knee jerk “You did *not just do that in front of people. You’re never doing that agin.”
But here’s the thing: in most cases, your shame reaction goes away in time, and you land on the pride and alive feelings that override the fear.
That’s because that feeling of aliveness is the same for exhilaration and fear.
Physiologically, many of the same things are happening and our system doesn’t know in the moment whether these are excited butterflies or the fight or flight kind.
And the only real difference between excitement and fear is choice.
If we choose to put ourselves in beginner mindset situations, we log growth quickly and viscerally. And others take notice of our bravery.
Conscious leaders know this. They not only model being a beginner, but they create safe environments for others to take leaps.
Trial and error
As you try the tactics introduced here, remember that the whole point of being a beginner is trial and error. And if you want more of this training, check out our coaching modules or give us a call.
You have to move through many wrongs before a right surfaces.
The key is to speak to yourself kindly while you’re learning.
Can you think of situations where you can model the beginner mindset? What people in your life could benefit from seeing you show up, no matter the outcome?
For more beginner mindset tactics, check out my podcast How to Get Better at Being a Beginner. This was the most highly requested topic. You are not alone in wanting to learn more about it.
No matter how your efforts turn out, you’ll be at least 1% better at what you’re doing the next time.
Cheers to taking some leaps in life!